My promise to you is to make saving erotic again, to make it as much fun as the first time you dropped your pants in public and screamed 'here come the Zulus' |
Our highly explict currency is geared towards bringing you a small amount of pleasure as the world crashes in around you. Take it into bathroom stalls or use it to fill the empty lives of bar-room dancers. Put it in your pocket and revel in the joy of naughty fiscal endowment. Using advanced techniques, and our patented graphing technology "Lotus 1-2-3", we can present you with up to date statistics on you accounts not available elsewhere, including how much money you have, how much money you had, how much money you could have if you gave us more money, plus pictures of boobies and naked woman bottoms. |
Even though I died over 50 years ago, I could have never foreseen the crisis that the worlds fiscal markets are seeing today. As we move from one issue to another I can see that it pays to keep your investment options open. Using Fucbux as the core of our monetary system within the IBC has made us almost immune to the current downward trends of the investment system, by promoting a currency that no-one has used or heard of.
Welcome to the world of the IBC, proving erotic funding and financial solutions to you, our moist and succulent consumers. As the worlds leading and only trader of Fucbux, our institutions are designed to rip you off with honesty and integrity. While other banks ask you to "save your money" under the promise of high interest yields, we make no bones about the fact that at some point we will fuck you over - with interest - and leave you high and dry. The difference is, you already know, and preparation is half the fun. At the IBC, innovation is not a dirty word. Not like 'boobies', 'teat' and 'crevice'. Our moneyologists have been working around the clock to come up with new and impressive methods to make your outlook on money look better.
Perception is nine tenths of the law, and graphs have been ranked in this sentence as one of the top 30 reasons markets are failing today. Graphs promoting the downward spiral of wealth cause stress and bad tummy aches, so using our new "flip" graphs, we make the whole thing go away.
 "Fail" |
Things look bad for you. The chart is depressing like spending an evening with Martha Stewart and no gun as she goes on and on and on about making coffee tables from dead things and how she almost got girl raped in jail but they wouldn't touch her because she was so rich yet you really know it's because she's old and skanky and dead on the inside like an old tree in a grave yard. |
Yay, all your graph are belong to us!! |
However, BAMMMM. With out new "flip" graphs, everything is better, and now you can sit back and relax as you pound each breath of existence out of that blonde craft whore with your baseball bat of justice!!!! |
Since the start of 2008, the IBC has been a leader in providing depressed stockbrokers to the worlds fiscal institutions. At a time where cheer and smiles are a more valued commodity than cheese or gold, the IBC has been training it's traders to hold their head, look at papers worryingly and promote a general funk across the board.
Our portfolio offers:
"Oh my god, what have I done" - Dave Spum from Winnipeg trained in depression for over 3 months, before taking over his most taxing role on the Toronto Stock Exchange. Speaking from his houseboat in the Alberta mountains, Dave tells us "I wanted to convey a sense of desperation, an angst and longing for the success that I once would have achieved in some Eastern backwater of China playing russian roulette for scraps of moldy toaster dust". His specialty is late 40's men, nearing the autumn years of their fiscal careers, who may or may not have been involved in random hooker murders during the periods 1984 to 1987 ( the "spree" years )
Dave's interests include taping Badgers and Cats to Aardvarks to make a mutated "ABC" mockery of God, and licking postage stamps in the nude.
"Wow, I'm fucked now" - Susan B Toadface of Alberta saw the emerging depression markets as a chance to get away from the day to day grind of being a profession Robin William impersonator. He provides his own unique brand of pain to the day to day grind of high pressure money markets, and even makes his own props.
"It's all in the eyes, conveying that look of deep inner pain that comes from losing $400,000 on a risk gamble buying sub-prime bearer bonds from a Nigerian Prince." With a talent like that, we know our competitors will be shedding tears for many months to come!
Susan still spends time in the Robins Williams field, shaving his back for charity and collecting the DNA from former child stars. "Nanoo nanoo" Susan.
"My brain hurts, please take away the pain ...." - Gerald P Hungerdug slips deep into a coma of pain and distrust after seeing his actions have completely wiped out his company's 401k, lurching his co-workers into years of poverty and destitution. But not to worry, at the weekend Gerald is out painting flowers and providing aid to the Malformed Chipmunk Protections Agency. When his not "furrowing" his time with the MCPA, he studies at home refining his look.
"I tend to go for the over the top look wherever possible. The world today is not built upon subtlety or nuance. A tear and a worried look won't take you far in today's markets"